Guy constantly feels unheard and overriden over "little things" but refuses to be more direct when they happen: 'If I did the same things he did, to my own mother, she would get incredibly angry'

Author image for Olivia Arocena
Olivia Arocena • Writer and Editor
Jul 4, 2026 8:00 AM EDT

Are the 'little things' really so little?

Nobody else but us can say what's important for us in our friendships and in our lives. When we constantly feel somebody else doesn't listen to us, it's ok to listen to that feeling, but sometimes we get glimpses of something else that might be going on. It's always ok to try to have an honest conversation with ourselves, or with a forum on the internet lol, and see whether we are exaggerating through our pretensions or not.  

This Redditor is going through something similar and is currently wondering whether to go with his gut and classify it as an energy mismatch or question his feelings of inadequacy. What do you think it is?

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  • 01
    man pointing at camera
    via Adi Goldstein

    A model representing the guy accusing his friend of not listening to him

  • 02

    AITBA if I hate feeling unheard or overridden over "little things" but refuse to be more direct when it happens?

    Basically I knew someone who would frequently fail to hear me, and I would usually let it go even if it was irritating because I thought it would cause more issues get visibly angry about it because I didn't trust I could balance
    via pswelcometomylife
  • 03
    myself to not throw a hissy fit in public. I had to actively try to not blow a gasket. Like, sometimes I'd be like "Can I please go to [X]?" at an event with lots of activities, or even "Why
    via pswelcometomylife
  • 04
    are we walking all the way over here?" and then seemingly not be heard at all, and then we'd just keep walking, or he'd say "let's go do [X]" without explicitly acknowledging the actual content of what I said, and I'd just not press
    via pswelcometomylife
  • 05
    further. I remember even being in the car with him and we didn't know where to go for lunch, and I think I said "Can you please just pick something?" and then he just scrolled for like 5 more minutes in silence. I figured if I got upset about
    via pswelcometomylife
  • 06
    something so small, and demanded he listen about it, it would just cause unnecessary suffering for everyone. Other times I'd ask and be acknowledged, except it would be to tell me some
    via pswelcometomylife
  • 07
    reason I couldn't understand because it didn't make sense (he'd never just say "we CAN'T do it", he'd say "Well, [X reason]."), like if he thought the price would somehow change for the activity mid-way through
    via pswelcometomylife
  • 08
    an event, or something about the line to wait for it, or the availability of other activities, or something, and we'd go in circles about it until I'd eventually be like "Fine" if he asked if I would rather do something else. Eventually
    via pswelcometomylife
  • 09
    when he asked if I wanted to do something else I'd say "Fine" immediately because I assumed it meant I wasn't going to get to do it even if I asked harder, so I wanted to avoid the futile headache.
    via pswelcometomylife
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    The second I receive pushback, it feels like I'm being indirectly told no, and that if I keep pushing back, all I'm going to accomplish is continually being told (an implicit) no over and over, until if I do get to do the thing, the
    via pswelcometomylife
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    process of pushing back by giving counter-reasons why it should be possible was draining enough so that doing the thing doesn't actually help recoup the emotional impact of having had to ask for a minor thing
    via pswelcometomylife
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    repeatedly. Other times he'd acknowledge what I wanted, and asked if I wanted to do it later (that day at the event), and then we wouldn't do it at all and he wouldn't acknowledge
    via pswelcometomylife
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    that it failed to happen. Plus other times he'd initiate things without asking or go ahead without waiting for me or asking me to follow. Like the time my back was turned to him to look at
    via pswelcometomylife
  • 14
    something on the ground, and I started speaking and mid-sentence I turn and he's yards turned walking away from me, so I run to catch up to him and say nothing. Or when he walked up to a booth when I was following him and he
    via pswelcometomylife
  • 15
    gets into a conversation with the toy vendor to try to win a toy, without ever bothering to turn to me to actually ask if I wouldn't rather do something other than wait for him to be done with the booth, or even ask me if I would like
    via pswelcometomylife
  • 16
    to play the game myself. I tried to quietly tell him "Can we please just go?" but it was like he didn't even hear me. I'd usually "let it go" in the moment, then at some point I'd disregard my
    via pswelcometomylife
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    previous hesitation have enough and point out all the little problems at once. This happened a few times. He said he wished I brought stuff up in the moment, which I thought would just cause me to have a hissy fit in public.
    via pswelcometomylife
  • 18
    over it if I ever allowed myself to get that deeply into my feelings as soon as they start, which I thought would just push him away harder. He also said I got mad about "little things" and needed to learn to let things go, especially in
    via pswelcometomylife
  • 19
    group settings with other friends. I felt bitter because I made this assumption that if he cared, he would be able to discern the pattern in all my examples and stop just running into things or ignoring me by default. If I did the same
    via pswelcometomylife
  • 20
    three men laughing
    via Jed Vallejo

    A picture of a group of men representing the group the guy can't integrate with

  • Judging by the neuroticism portrayed in the way he writes the story, I’m guessing his intuition is right in questioning whether he is exaggerating or not. That is not to say that his friend is perfect and really does listen to him; both things can be true at once, but at least if he sees the whole picture clearly, he can make a more informed decision.

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    things he did, to my own mother, she would get incredibly angry. So I have to wonder if I'm consistent for expecting others to adhere to the standard I was taught, or if I'm a hypocrite because a lot of it was stuff I arguably had
    via pswelcometomylife
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    been told before about, so it meant I didn't have the right to criticize HIM about it. And it felt like he was expecting me to spoonfeed him by telling him in the moment so he didn't have to actually think about things we
    via pswelcometomylife
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    talked about beyond the actual instance of the conversation, which I didn't trust would even make him learn the pattern so he'd eventually not have to be told every single time - I worried I'd always have to tell him
    via pswelcometomylife
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    everything to (not) do, like steering a car. So if I ever complained he could always fall back on "but I always do what you want [when you tell me]." And mind you this was all over stuff like...doing
    via pswelcometomylife
  • 25
    recreational activities whenever we went out together. So it feels like maybe I was being extremely petty.
    via pswelcometomylife
  • 26
    man standing in front of a window
    via Daniil Onishenko

    A depiction of the guy taking distance from his friendships to meditate 

  • Distance is the cure for all ills and wrongs, my friends. At least that’s how I see it. Sometimes we need to spend some time on our own, or at least far away from some people, to understand whether what’s happening to us is a product of our insecurities or of the relationship we’re putting to the test. In this case, I think it’s both; we should not stay in places where we’re not heard, but we should also not take everyone else’s distractions personally. It’s very hard to lead a completely balanced lifestyle with our relationships; we should assume it will never be perfect, and at the same time we should keep striving towards perfection. The journey is the reward, or something like that lol.



     

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